In the light of what is happening in the world, I’ve felt moved to share a few thoughts that have been with me lately.
Some recent conversations with dear friends, and hearing their strong feelings about the injustices of the world and how things need to change, have prompted me to reflect more deeply on our own relationship to judgement, anger and responsibility.
I don’t have answers, but perhaps there is something worth exploring in how we meet all that is happening around us, and what part we each play in the world we create together.
We cannot excuse harmful actions. People must take responsibility and bear the consequences of what they do.
But Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, offers an important distinction: “Holding people responsible for their actions is not the same as judging them to be good or bad people.”
There is a difference between recognizing what is harmful and taking action to change it, and judging someone as bad or evil and excluding them from our shared humanity. As we learn through Family Constellations, whatever we exclude does not simply disappear. It continues to affect the system until what lies beneath it is seen and acknowledged.
When we place ourselves above others in our righteousness, we risk perpetuating the very patterns we wish to overcome. Victims can become perpetrators, and the cycle continues, again and again.
Perhaps the invitation is to look beyond the individual and also ask what in our society, our collective beliefs and ways of relating finds expression through their actions. And this inquiry always begins within ourselves: in our own minds, our judgements and opinions, and the way we hold them.
When we hold on to rage and condemnation, we can become entangled with those we judge. In Family Constellations, there is something profound about simply seeing what is, without excusing or judging. We leave people with their actions and their consequences, without becoming entangled with them.
Often, beneath our anger and outrage lies a deeper pain, something that has perhaps not yet been fully seen or felt. It, too, needs to be acknowledged and given its rightful place. There must be space for the grief, sadness and pain of what has happened and is still happening. This does not mean being passive or refraining from action when action is needed. Perhaps it is about allowing our actions to come from a different place.
Grief was never meant to be carried in isolation. Many Indigenous traditions have long recognized the importance of community in meeting suffering. Recognizing that our pain is also part of a shared human experience can bring connection and healing.
I feel Family Constellation groups offer a unique opportunity for this: to reconnect, to include what has been excluded, and to recognize that what we see in others and in the wider world also touches something in all of us. In these encounters, healing is not only individual; we all become part of it.
This is one of many ways we can contribute to the peace of the world. We can acknowledge what is, without needing to carry it within us. And instead of perpetuating hostility, offer something clearer, more spacious and more peaceful.
And perhaps, as A Course in Miracles suggests, we might begin to see that everything is either an expression of love or a call for love.
What if we could meet the world, with all its beauty and suffering, from this place?